Fear


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Ten days. Three theme parks. Six rollercoasters. Water slides to scare the pants off you. Three excited kids. One fabulous zoo. And a bit of surgery in between. What a ride! And as I sit here with a glass of bubbly, I am celebrating another milestone in the journey, the return of my B-cup. And it’s important to celebrate our victories, isn’t it. Wetting the booby’s head I said. By the second glass my husband suggested it was more a drowning. Because once again I feel the sheer joy of being alive. For a brief moment post surgery the grief took hold as I realised the extent of the radiation damage. But with my new breast now taking shape, and the anaesthetic out of my system, it was more than I could have hoped for to actually be able to feel my new breast as a part of me. When my daughter accidently bumped me two days post surgery, it took me completely by surprise. Because I felt sensation in a part of me that had not existed this time last week. That blows my mind. The possibilities are incredible, aren’t they.

And this end of the week I can smile as I remember my apprehension pre-surgery. It’s a bit like a rollercoaster, isn’t it. The ups and downs. The waiting, the anticipating. So often the hardest part. And I often wonder why we are conditioned to expect the worst? Because there are so many things, so many situations, we often anticipate or fear that never come to pass, aren’t there. And in those moments before I reached the hospital for my fourth surgery in under two years, it suddenly occurred to me that this could be much easier than I realised…